Dearest lovely readers,
I DID IT.
One year sober today.
It’s been strange, I feel strange about it, almost like it hasn’t been so long. I know that many others are years and years ahead, but we all must start somewhere.
It’s been a difficult journey. After my final, negative experience I knew it was best to turn my head and walk away from something that has caused me so much trouble. Psychotic episodes, behaviours I no longer wanted. It took an awful lot for me to finally realise I needed to stop drinking.
At first, it was quite easy, alcohol immediately smelled horrible and appeared as unappealing. So the first few weeks were easier. But as I got unwell, it became harder, I would crave. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I wanted a drink when I was low, or desperate for an out of what I was feeling.
I used to love the partying lifestyle, never mind the drama it would bring. I used to think I’d never give it up.
But it brought damaging situations, I’d often be suicidal after drinking, I dread thinking of all the episodes I had that my mother had to deal with.
I’m baring all as an honest account that drinking has a dark side. During my journey on this path, I read a lot about alcohol, read a bit of quit lit (Sober Girl Society is great!) and it’s been eye opening just how ingrained alcohol is in our society. But that’s a discussion for another day.
I am proud of how far I’ve come, alcohol was ingrained in my life. Whilst some nights out brought great memories, there were just too many bad risks associated in my life. I saw myself ending up broken if I kept up drinking. So I made the choice to stop. To end a cycle.
There wasn’t anything magical for me when I stopped must admit.
But given the statistics of addiction and borderline personality disorder, I knew the risk. So I made the decision to make sure I did not end up as another statistic.
So today I’m celebrating how far I’ve come, and I’m looking forward to more years of sobriety. It was a great decision for my physical AND mental health.
Over the next couple of weeks, I shall bring some reviews on quit lit and a little bit of information on alcohol.
Sobriety is a difficult decision, and a difficult journey, but relying on things as vices is never healthy. I sometimes feel great about my choice, other times not so much, but it’s all about one day at a time.
Much, much love,